Daredevil Risks Own Life Doing the Unthinkable

Thrill seeker, adventurer, and global explorer Doug Crowe did the unthinkable yesterday when he ventured into Downtown Charleston, SC to have dinner with a client. Risking his own life and the lives of dozens of other people, Crowe actually walked from his car to a restaurant and sat down for a meal.

…with other people.

What makes this feat so insane is that Crowe actually walked down King street without a mask. When he greeted his client, Gary Cooper at the restaurant, the two went one step further, broke social protocol, and put both their lives in mortal danger by doing something no human has done in over a month.

They shook hands.

Crowe didn’t even bother to wash his hands after the exchange. “It felt crazy when I stepped out of my car,” stated Crowe, “but when I didn’t see people dropping dead or wheezing, I figured I’d go one step further.”

Crowe and Cooper reportedly had salmon and a burger. They did not check the kitchen for any sanitary protocols nor did they ask for the restaurant’s latest health inspection report. While the servers were wearing masks, none showed signs of any flu-like symptoms.

“I’m sure they were smiling underneath their masks,” commented Cooper, who gave an extra tip.

What’s next for Crowe? Is there any risk he won’t take?

“Tomorrow I’m getting a haircut and I’ve booked an overseas flight for June,” he stated. 

Crowe is among the minority of the population who still retains critical thinking skills and applauds researchers like Dr. Erin Bromage, Ph.D. who is an Associate Professor of Biology at the University of Darmouth. Her research focuses on the immune system and immunological mechanisms responsible for protection of infectious disease. According to Dr. Bromage, the formula is simple:

A successful infection = exposure to virus X time.

With general breathing, 20 viral particles minute into the environment, even if every virus ended up in your lungs (which is very unlikely), you would need 1000 viral particles divided by 20 per minute = 50 minutes.

“I don’t plan on talking to anyone on the aircraft,” Crowe stated.

Will this daredevil complete this incredible feat?

We’ve not seen anything this risky since Evil Kenevil jumped the Grand Canyon. Let’s hope, Crowe survives his journey. 

Senior health officials and governmental bodies could not be reached for comment.

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